INSECURITIES

I am having a day (or maybe a week) of feeling really insecure and disliking my reflection. I know it's bad to say I dislike how I look, but I do; I see pretty women everywhere, and I can’t help but compare myself to them. Each time I use social media, I see blurred, cosmetically enhanced Barbie doll-looking women, and when I look in the mirror, all I see are imperfections.

We all know social media is fake, but even celebrities on red carpets look so perfect. I can't help but wonder if they are perfect or if I am just very, very flawed. To sit here and say I’ve been considering Botox to improve the tight, youthful look of my young skin is tragic, but I have. I wonder if I had Botox, would I look prettier? Should I try a new type of make-up? Should I learn how to do my make-up? I am just feeling ugly and going down a path of self-comparison.

It’s hard to attempt a life on social media. Naturally, you begin blurring your world and the digital world together, and it’s easy to feel rejected and insecure. As much as I seek to create my own path on social media, I do feel my insecurities calling me more often than not, especially when part of the job is speaking to your own reflection. That is the weird, unspoken part of any content creation; you are literally looking and talking to yourself but pretending your reflection is an audience. It's very, very weird, and I'm not sure it's good for our brains unless you are narcissistic, something I am fortunate and unfortunately not.

As a confident person, I have dips in my confidence like most normal people do. I know I am not the most beautiful, attractive woman on earth, and at times, it eats me alive and really affects me on a deep emotional level. I know my role on earth is not to be admired for my beauty but for my brain and, more importantly, my heart, but deep down, I wish I was admired for my beauty like every other beautiful girl I admire. I love beauty, I love the fantasy and the illusion of beauty, and I feel I am no fantasy, just a truth speaker here to enrich the world with beauty, not be the beauty itself. My beauty comes from my heart, not my face, and sometimes, I can’t see my heart because I am too busy judging my face. I think we can all become distracted from what matters because we are given distractions to send us off the path and make poor life choices. I know insecurities are not forever, but gosh, when they rear their head, I feel awful.

If you ever feel less than or just plain ugly, take some time for yourself and feel the uncomfortable reality of self-comparison. When we feel and acknowledge our discomfort, we can work towards overcoming our insecurities and feelings. The more we allow ourselves to feel the good and the bad, the more we can gently work through them. Feelings are temporary, thoughts can be redirected, and insecurities can be challenged.

When I feel insecure, I like to be alone, remove all of my makeup, shower, sit in comfortable clothes, and watch vampire diaries to distract myself from my bad thoughts. Everyone overcomes discomfort differently; however, when I am upset, I either distract myself with feel-good content or become productive and work on my creative output within the world. Being creative builds confidence in productive ways, allowing excess emotion and energy to be channelled into new areas and creating beauty out of pain. If I could offer any advice, it would be to avoid triggers while feeling insecure. This means avoiding mirrors, taking photographs or videos of yourself, triggering content and mindless scrolling online; these things will make you feel worse and send you into a deeper self-hatred spiral. I am not telling you what to do; I am just giving gentle guidance. Remember, insecurity is temporary, and most importantly, you are perfect just as you are.

I am feeling a bit ugly and insecure now; however, tomorrow, I will return to being an icon. I am just having an off week. Or so I tell myself ;)

You are not alone.

Love, Chiara xx